The world loves me again. I feel great. I have had a great week, and I am loving it!
I got my sandan... my third degree black belt. I was surrounded by my karate family, surrounded by people who understand me and what I do, and I did my best to prove myself, and I earned my sandan. It still hasn't entirely sunk in, but wow, I feel incredible. I always thought this was what I was going for, but I know now that even this isn't enough. Sensei said last night that at every stage of the game, a person has to evaluate and create goals, and I know now that although I have reached a level I never dreamed of, I'm not done yet. I've come this far, and I'm going to continue doing karate until I am unable to do it anymore, because it is my life's passion, and it's the one thing that makes me truly happy.
I'm driving again. I tried calling the DMV and they told me they would not inform me if I am allowed to drive, only if I'm not. So, that being said, and considering I have a note from my doctor clearing me to drive, damnit, I'm going to drive. I love it. I have my freedom back. I have my music back. I can crank up my rock-out-tunage until it doesn't go any louder, and I frickin love it. I have my life back!!!
I spent several hours yesterday with Hailey, who I haven't spent any time with in a year at least. We gossiped and talked and caught up, and it was great.
My parents are on vacation. I cleaned the house. I took Turbo outside. Shawn has the weekend off. I might be baking with Michelle tomorrow. I get to finally have some time to myself, and feel independent again. I can finally feel like me again!
On the down side, I miss my friends more than ever. It was great to hang out with Hailey again, but catching up and talking always reminds me of the people who have run screaming from my life, or those who have slowly faded away. All she had to say was "he misses you" and I just about lose it. Of the 6 or 7 people in my life that I have been closest to and trusted the most, only 2 or 3 remain. I love them, and I can't complain, but what about the others? What happened to my great circle of support? As much as I love my life and finally feel like the pieces are falling together again, I can't help but miss the aspects that are gone.
But, yet again, I'm complaining when I have only things to be thankful for. I am happy again. My life is good again. I am moving forward, and embracing life as it comes at me. Let's just hope it stays that way!
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