Hello all!
As I write this, I am sitting in my hotel room in Texas after 2 days of karate camp. My feet are killing me, I have bruises all over, I haven't slept well, and tomorrow I will be testing for Sandan in front of at least 100 people [most notably, of course, Master Kise and Kaicho]. But I love every minute of it!
I love the feel of blood pounding in my veins. I hate sweat, but I love the fact that I am working to my full potential. I know exercise releases endorphins, which is why I love these things, but that doesn't change the fact that I love them. I love doing a kata on autopilot, and knowing I do it well. I love watching the people around me. I love asking and answering questions, and learning new and better things from people I haven't seen often. And most importantly, I love those people. I love how everyone understands our system, and the things we stand for. I love how I don't have to explain myself or what I do to people who think that ours is not a "true" martial art. No, I don't break boards. I've never been attacked by a board. I love the instructors, because they are there to help, and even the strict and highly disciplined instructors are willing to listen to and answer questions that arrive. I love meeting new people at every camp, and making new friendships, and I love reconnecting and continuing friendships I have formed in prior years. I love it all.
Tomorrow I will be testing for my Sandan. This will be the greatest achievement of my life (assuming I don't screw it up). As I said 3 years ago when I got my Nidan- I found karate, I love karate, and I'm going to do karate. Karate has shaped me as a person, and I feel incredible when I do it. I have truly found my life's passion, and I will never give that up. Thank you to everyone who has helped me get to where I am today.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Dear God
Dear God,
I don't believe in your existence, BUT I believe in the beauty of the world around me.
I don't believe that you perform miracles, BUT I believe in the good works that humanity is capable of.
I don't believe that you sent Jesus to atone for the sins of mankind, BUT I believe that he was and is an inspiration to his followers.
I don't believe that you answer prayers or help people, BUT I believe that having faith is help enough.
I don't believe that only religious people are rewarded after life. In fact, I don't think there is an afterlife. I think the best reward is being a good person in this life, and that's reward enough for me.
In short... I don't believe that belief is necessary to live a good life. I think that doing good works and trying to help others, being kind and compassionate, and pursuing happiness should be good enough for you. If people happen to have faith and religion helps them, that's good for them, but it doesn't work that way for me.
Thanks for listening,
-Charlotte
Friday, May 1, 2009
My Not-So-F*ed-Up Brain
So I just got back from spending two more days at the Mayo. As I said in previous posts, I've been having lightheaded spells that were a little concerning, so I spent Wednesday afternoon and Thursday at the Mayo Clinic to get things checked out and make sure that none of this is a sign of further seizure activity or complications from my encephalitis from December.
I had an MRI Wednesday afternoon, which came back the same as it did in February... NORMAL!!!
I had blood drawn Thursday morning. The waiting room was packed full, and of course, the median age was probably somewhere around 6o. I sat next to a really nice lady named Barbara who was doing word-search puzzles. She asked if I wanted to help her, but I declined, knowing full well that I would dominate and take over her word-search book if I agreed to 'help'. Anyway, results of the blood tests were normal too, although for some reason the amount of one of my meds was pretty low. The doc said not to worry though.
I had an EEG done later Thursday morning. Apparently the guy doing my EEG did one of my earlier ones when I was in the hospital in December. Obviously, I don't remember him, but it was nice to be able to have something to talk about. Despite only getting 6 hours of sleep, I had difficulty falling asleep during the test. I think it's just because it's notoriously difficult to fall asleep in a situation where you know you are being watched. Seriously weird. Anyway, even without sleep, the EEG went well. Everything came back as normal!!!
--- On a side note, the EEG is just a bizarre test. I mean really, they stick electrodes all over you, make you wear a stupid hat, squeeze gel into the hat and poke you with a little stick, then ask you a bunch of questions, expect you to go to sleep while you're being watched, then wake you up and flash a strobe light in your face for 5 minutes. Seriously, WTF?
Anyway, we met with Dr. Schmalsteig (forgive the spelling) on Thursday afternoon; he's such a nice guy. After describing the episodes I've been having and discussing the test results (again, all came back normal!) his opinion was that it is NOT related to seizure activity or any sort of brain abnormality. He said that the lightheadedness is simply an instance of not getting enough blood to my brain. When my body tries to compensate and tells my heart to beat harder, I begin to feel the blood in my hands and feet as well, thus the throbbing sensations. He said that it will probably resolve itself in time, but that I should make a note of when it happens and see if there are any consistent circumstances that trigger these episodes. He said the best thing I can do is just drink lots of water, and sit down or put my head down when this happens to get the blood flowing again.
--- Funny side note: Dr. Schmalsteig is a nice guy, and apparently pretty smart. About half an hour after we left the clinic and were on our way home, he called my cell phone. Apparently he "forgot" to remind me (again) that my meds may interfere with the effectiveness of the birth control pill that I'm on, and to encourage me to use a backup method of contraception to avoid pregnancy. LOL. Forgot? I Don't think so. I think he's a smart guy who decided it would probably not be a good idea to give me a sex talk in front of my parents. I mean, it doesn't matter, they know anyway, but nonetheless- it's funny. LOL... I mean really, I'm still giggling about it. 'forgot'..... lol....
In Short:
On the one hand, it's a little annoying to have driven 4 hours and spent 2 days doing tests only to be told that nothing is wrong and that I need to drink more water. On the other hand, NOTHING IS WRONG!!!! So I'm happy, and my family is super-relieved too. Yay for being not-so-screwed-up anymore!!!!!!!!!!!
I had an MRI Wednesday afternoon, which came back the same as it did in February... NORMAL!!!
I had blood drawn Thursday morning. The waiting room was packed full, and of course, the median age was probably somewhere around 6o. I sat next to a really nice lady named Barbara who was doing word-search puzzles. She asked if I wanted to help her, but I declined, knowing full well that I would dominate and take over her word-search book if I agreed to 'help'. Anyway, results of the blood tests were normal too, although for some reason the amount of one of my meds was pretty low. The doc said not to worry though.
I had an EEG done later Thursday morning. Apparently the guy doing my EEG did one of my earlier ones when I was in the hospital in December. Obviously, I don't remember him, but it was nice to be able to have something to talk about. Despite only getting 6 hours of sleep, I had difficulty falling asleep during the test. I think it's just because it's notoriously difficult to fall asleep in a situation where you know you are being watched. Seriously weird. Anyway, even without sleep, the EEG went well. Everything came back as normal!!!
--- On a side note, the EEG is just a bizarre test. I mean really, they stick electrodes all over you, make you wear a stupid hat, squeeze gel into the hat and poke you with a little stick, then ask you a bunch of questions, expect you to go to sleep while you're being watched, then wake you up and flash a strobe light in your face for 5 minutes. Seriously, WTF?
Anyway, we met with Dr. Schmalsteig (forgive the spelling) on Thursday afternoon; he's such a nice guy. After describing the episodes I've been having and discussing the test results (again, all came back normal!) his opinion was that it is NOT related to seizure activity or any sort of brain abnormality. He said that the lightheadedness is simply an instance of not getting enough blood to my brain. When my body tries to compensate and tells my heart to beat harder, I begin to feel the blood in my hands and feet as well, thus the throbbing sensations. He said that it will probably resolve itself in time, but that I should make a note of when it happens and see if there are any consistent circumstances that trigger these episodes. He said the best thing I can do is just drink lots of water, and sit down or put my head down when this happens to get the blood flowing again.
--- Funny side note: Dr. Schmalsteig is a nice guy, and apparently pretty smart. About half an hour after we left the clinic and were on our way home, he called my cell phone. Apparently he "forgot" to remind me (again) that my meds may interfere with the effectiveness of the birth control pill that I'm on, and to encourage me to use a backup method of contraception to avoid pregnancy. LOL. Forgot? I Don't think so. I think he's a smart guy who decided it would probably not be a good idea to give me a sex talk in front of my parents. I mean, it doesn't matter, they know anyway, but nonetheless- it's funny. LOL... I mean really, I'm still giggling about it. 'forgot'..... lol....
In Short:
On the one hand, it's a little annoying to have driven 4 hours and spent 2 days doing tests only to be told that nothing is wrong and that I need to drink more water. On the other hand, NOTHING IS WRONG!!!! So I'm happy, and my family is super-relieved too. Yay for being not-so-screwed-up anymore!!!!!!!!!!!
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