Time flies when you're... well, really busy actually.

So I've been in Nashville for a month already. I can't believe it's September. Part of that disbelief is because for the last 4 days it has been 100 degrees here while in MN it's been 75. I think if I continue living here, September might no longer be my favorite month, I may just have to push it back to November or something. Call me a yankee, but it's too hot down here.

What have I been doing for the last month, you may ask? I have actually been surprisingly busy. I spent the first week by myself being bored, but once orientation came around, I became a social butterfly! (Okay, not quite. I don't think any circumstance could turn ME into a social butterfly, but I did make a few friends). For starters, my roommate and a few of her friends took me out to a place called the Bluebird Cafe, where local singers/songwriters play music. It's a really laid back environment- it's even in a strip mall off the highway- and we just had appetizers and beer while listening to them play for a few hours. Nothing fancy, but I got a taste of the music side of music city USA.

A few friends from orientation and I decided to make a day trip out to the Jack Daniels distillery about an hour outside of Nashville (which, ironically, is in a dry county). So we took the tour of the distillery and spent the afternoon in a tiny town that looked like it was still in the 1800s, except for all the tourists and motorcycle gangs.

As for my classes, I am taking two big lecture courses that are required for all first year divinity students- Hebrew Bible and Formation of the Christian Tradition. The Hebrew Bible prof likes to joke and thinks he's funny, which he is, but when it's monday morning and we're all still half sleeping, he doesn't understand why our laughter is only half-hearted. I'm also taking Koine Greek, which is royally kicking my ass. I'm hoping it gets easier, but not counting on it. And last but not least, Contemporary Issues in American Religion, which is small and discussion based (reminds me fondly of Macalester), and should be really interesting, especially since it's broken into modules of discussion based on politics, sexuality, and the decline of church attendance. What I have learned thus far is that I am more prepared for grad school than most people. When other people see 10 books on the syllabus they think OMG WHAT?! and I think, "Oh, this prof is like Paula." Or when we had to read Perpetua for my Christianity class, I only half read it because this was my 4th time. Clearly my undergrad did something for me.

My work study ended up being in the library, and it is a completely pointless job. I get paid $9 an hour to sit at a desk, check books back into the library, sort them, sometimes shelve them, and on saturday nights, it's so dead that I just do my homework. It's pathetic that I get paid more to do that than I have at any previous job. But hey, it pays for groceries.

I also found a karate club on campus that I joined and am practicing with. It's goju-ryu instead of shorin-ryu, which is what I did at home, but they are both Okinawan and therefore VERY similar. I love the people and we have a lot in common. I can tell already I'm going to like it.

Last but not least, Shawn and I are moving forward with wedding planning for next summer. We reserved a venue in Cold Spring, and are having our ceremony at his church in Paynesville. So in addition to all the other junk I'm doing, I'm trying to plan a wedding from 5 states away. YAY!!!

As usual, my updates seem to be running long and I'm not sure how much actual substance is present. All I know is that I'm having a grand ol' time here in Nashville (hehe, pun intended). I'll try and keep you posted on a monthly basis unless anything major happens in the meantime :)

Greetings from Nashville!

Hello All!
I have been in Nashville for 4 days now, 5 if you count last Thursday which was spent in the car all day. Doesn't seem like long to you, but it's been quite awhile already for me. For starters, I did not realize that my little mazda could hold all that stuff. I assumed that since I wasn't hauling any furniture it wouldn't be problem. "Surely a few boxes of books and clothes will easily fit into my car, especially since it's a hatchback." ... We had to throw away a lamp (we broke it while trying to cram it into the back), and drove all 14 hours to Nashville with my karate bo sticking right over my shoulder. Pillows and soft items were shoved into every nook and cranny, and I am proud to say that I managed to limit my shoes to one large tub.
Anyway, Shawn and I are in Nashville. He's here until Thursday, and after that, I'm on my own. On Friday we bought a bed and desk, and then proceeded to assemble the damn thing. I don't think I have ever seen something with so many pieces! The instruction book had 41 steps. But, like the car, we got it done. I also have a bookshelf, which was much easier to assemble than the desk, but still a project in itself.
So now that I am unpacked and my room is fully furnished, on to Nashville itself. The weather here is pretty much the worst of MN- HOT and HUMID. Oh, and rainy. It has rained every day except today. The worst part is that it doesn't stop being hot at night. It is just ALWAYS hot. I didn't really realize how bad it was until I decided to try my walk to campus. It's about a 20 minute walk, which wouldn't be too bad except that when I turn around and realize that the way back is mostly uphill. Needless to say, I will need to get in shape and get used to the heat. On the plus side, August is the worst month for heat, and it only gets better.
According to my roommate, people here are terrified of winter and the entire city shuts down for any snow, so I'm looking forward to that. I will be a seasoned expert when it comes to snow and ice. All the people laughing at me in the heat will be looking to me when it snows. HA. As for my roommate, her name is Teagan. She is really nice. She's working on her PhD in cell biology at Vandy. She's a little neurotic about keeping the condo clean, but hey, that works for me. She studies a lot, and there's not much else to say. I think we'll get along just fine.

Shawn and I have been trying to get acquainted with the city, with our limited budget. No, we have not gone to the Opry. We are students, not tourists. We did go to the life-size replica of the Parthenon though. That was cool; there was a 40 foot tall gold-plated statue of Athena inside. Shawn thought she was creepy; I thought she was pretty awesome. We attempted to eat at the Pancake Pantry for lunch one time, but that didn't happen. Apparently when the internet reviews say it gets "busy", that means a line of 30 people standing outside just waiting to get in, much less waiting for food. We might try again tomorrow when it's not a Saturday. However, we did find a good thing about Nashville that made up for our lack of pancakes- a Krispy Kreme. Farewell diet, Nashville has what MN closed down, and all donut-y goodness is just waiting to be eaten. This does not bode well for stressed-out studying.

So overall, the last 4 days have flown by. I have been super busy buying and assembling furniture, getting acquainted with the area, I got a new phone (because mine broke, AGAIN), and trying to figure out what is where and how to get there. From here on out, I will keep in touch as the year progresses. Orientation is next week and school starts the 22nd, so the real deal starts then. Until then, wish me luck!

Love and Math

Everyone knows that 1+1=2. Everyone has heard the phrase 2 hearts joined as 1. I have even heard when true love hits, 2+2=5, meaning that something extra is thrown into the package when it's really real. People have a way of putting love, the unexplainable, into terms that are concrete and unchanging, such as numbers. People are added together and eventually multiply to make families. This is what I mean when I talk about love and math.

It's easy to talk about love and math when speaking in terms of addition and multiplication. 1+1=2. Half and half equals a whole. It's all about coming together and creating something new, adding something into the equation that wasn't there before, and the situation becomes better for it. That's what love is.
But what happens when you work in reverse? What happens when you subtract or divide? What happens when love dissipates, or there are breakups or obstacles? In math it's tricky, and in life it's harder. There are remainders and decimals and fractions floating around.

When two people fall in love, it can be considered 1+1=2. But I'm moving to Nashville in two weeks. We aren't breaking up, we're going to suffer the long distance thing, work it out, we're even getting married next year. It's definitely an obstacle. I am still my 1 person, but I feel like I'm less myself without him. How many ways can you divide 2? Am I only 3/4 of me? Does that mean he's the 1 1/4? Or is that extra little piece of me just floating out there somewhere, waiting to be reunited? Maybe it's more of a case of 2+2=5, and we are just losing that extra 1 when the distance tears us apart? Except we aren't. We are just as much in love as we are every day, and it's me personally that feels like I'm losing a part of myself, not a part of love.

This is where my math metaphor falls apart. Love and math is fine and dandy as an addition, joining two people together makes for sweet poetry, but when they reach a hurdle or division, where does the split occur? True love joins people so completely that unlike numbers, they cannot be divided. It becomes impossible to distinguish the self from the other without losing a piece of the puzzle.

Took Long Enough

We set a date. I know not too long ago I was complaining and bitching and moaning about how jealous and resentful I was about people who are getting married all around me when I was first to get engaged... well, I did something about it. Shawn and I had a discussion and we decided that next year really is the best time to get married. We don't want to wait until after grad school. We don't want to wait until after law school. We definitely don't want to postpone into my PhD days. Next year is the time, and June 30th is the date (assuming we can find a venue that works for us, we may have to be a little flexible, but for now, it's June 30th).

So mark your calendars, after 6 years of dating, after almost 4 years of being engaged, the most indecisive couple in the world is finally tying the knot. June 30th, 2012 :)

The Good Thing about Small Towns

About a month ago, Ezra Thompson decided he was going to go out west on a hiking expedition in the mountains of Washington state. He has been really into the whole outdoorsy thing lately- rock climbing and snowshoeing and whatnot. He had professional equipment and all that jazz. Nonetheless, he managed to get himself stuck on a cliff for 4 days and stranded; he had to be rescued by a helicopter team when he didn't show up to the summer camp he was supposed to be working at. He was missing for a full day before they found him and another day before they could get to him because of treacherous avalanche conditions. Luckily, he's fine. Probably a bit scared and who knows when the next time he'll go on a mountainous trek will be, but he's fine.

He was supposed to arrive at camp Tuesday. He was called in missing Wednesday. They found him Thursday. And I think they rescued him either Friday or Saturday. My point is that all of this is happening halfway across the country. Shawn and I, 2 mere aquaintences of Ezra living 2 hours from our hometown, knew about it by Wednesday evening. Incidently (and unfortunately), we were the ones to inform Peder. (Why Jay and Laura didn't call their elder son is beyond me, by the time we found out, all of Paynesville School System knew about it as well as the majority of the area churches, so why no one bothered to call Peder I still don't know). When a person goes missing or is in need of assistance, a small town pulls together. Churches whip out their prayer lists, schools do the same (F*#$ the first amendment, a life is at stake, let's pray!), and by Thursday morning at the very latest, everyone in the Stearns, Kandiyohi, and Meeker area was on Ezra Thompson's side. And by that time, even his brother in Nebraska had been informed :)

People who have probably never talked to Ezra left him public facebook messages, wishing well. His rescue went smoothly, and now that all is back to normal, he can continue being the shy and quiet guy that had his few days of WOW, WAIT, WHAT?!
My point is, you can't get that in a big town, or a small city. You can't get that in a community where people don't know each other. And for one of the first times in the last 3 years, I caught of glimpse of what it might have been like when everyone was worried about me in 2008. It makes me grateful for where I came from, and I hope that it continues to be that way for future Paynesvillites who find themselves between a rock and a hard place- in Ezra's case, literally.

Where I've been, Where I am, and Where I'm going...

I've been absent from blogging a long time. I've been busy. My life has been changing. A lot has been going on, and as usual, I have a lot to think about. As for where I've been and what I've been doing, I graduated from college!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!! I officially have a bachelor's degree from Macalester College. I majored in Religious Studies, minored in Classics, and every time I tell people that, they immediately ask "and what are you going to do with that?" Well, I am going to go to Vanderbilt Divinity School in Nashville Tennessee and pursue my Masters degree in Theological Studies. After that I will go on to get a PhD with the ultimate goal of teaching and being a professor. I do not intend on being a pastor or minister or whatever, although many of my peers will. So that's the scoop on what has been going on and what the plan is.

Even better, Shawn got into law school! He has always wanted to go to William Mitchell Law School here in St Paul, and he got accepted! So.... we are going to do a long distance relationship for the next 2-3 years. It will be difficult. I am so happy for him though, I can't even begin to describe it. The reason we decided to split up is because neither of us wanted to give up school for our relationship; we both have our dreams at our fingertips, and we have been together for 6 years, surely we can survive a little bit of long-distance.

The marriage thing has been getting me down lately though. We have been together for nearly 6 years. We have been engaged for 3 1/2. I want to get married. I don't want to plan another 3 years out. I don't want to postpone indefinitely. I want to just do it already. We call each other husband and wife. I want desperately to just get it over with so that I can get out of this stage of limbo. Right now I start to feel bitter towards others who are starting to get married or talking about engagements because I feel like I'm just perpetually STUCK. I'm sick of being stuck. I don't care if we even have a wedding anymore, I just want to have the title of officially being married, but I know that if we just go to the courthouse I'll regret it later.
Lately I've been thinking that next year is the time to do it. Next summer. But then we have to figure out how to afford it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so frustrated.

I move to Nashville in early August, but Shawn and I are also moving in 3 weeks to a bigger apartment in St Paul. He wants a roommate for the school year, so we are moving to a 2 bedroom apartment with his friend Mike and the three of us are going to live together whenever I'm not in Nashville and it'll just be the boys when I'm gone. I'm really glad that Shawn has a friend, but at the same time, I'm a bit jealous. I wish I had a friend. We hang out with Mike a lot, and Shawn's other friends Megan and Tim, and I feel like I don't really have friends anymore. I can always call Kristi, but she is always a few hours away. Laura is nearby, but she rarely wants to hang out. Did I mention she is coming to Nashville with me? She is. She got into Vandy's nursing program. However, no matter the fact that we're friends, we still only hang out once a month or so. So much for best friends. I really miss having someone to share secrets with and talk to at any hour of the day and just bare the depths of my soul to. The last person I did that with was Krista, or other people who are just gone. People who have left, or were bad influences. I want to have a best friend again. I want to have someone who is there for me every day. Someone who I'm not romantically involved with- it's just different with Shawn- and I just want to be able to talk to someone. I miss people. I am just so lonely all the time.

My life is working out. I graduated. I know where I'm going and what I'm doing. Things are good, but that doesn't mean I'm completely happy yet.

Feeling a Little Grinchy

Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings, Merry Christmas... the point is the same; it's a season of merriment, happiness, and joy, or at least it's supposed to be. Normally, I am a very happy person this time of year, or as Shawn likes to say, I "have Christmas spirit coming out my ass". I love to decorate, shop, and wrap presents, and bake... oh I love to bake. Last year I made 7 kinds of cookies, over 200, and had to force myself to stop because I was afraid I wouldn't have enough. I watch the classic christmas movies like the Grinch and Rudolph. I play my Christmas playlist on iTunes constantly, and paint my fingernails to look like candycanes. Yes, I am usually full of Christmas cheer.

This year is similar- I have decorated the apartment in full glory, I have shopped, wrapped presents, painted my nails, and have a full baking extravaganza planned (although it hasn't taken place yet). But something is holding me back. Somehow, I don't feel as jubilant as I normally do. I blame Target. Everyday I go to work and I get bitched at by people who are consumed by the materialistic aspect of Christmas, and they are so focused on getting whatever it is that they need for their kids or grandkids or whatever that they don't seem to care how rude or crass they are to everyone else who happens to be in their way (like me, the lady answering the phone). The whole thing makes me question the whole purpose of christmas, what it has become, and why we even bother. If Christmas has become a retail nightmare, revolving around who can buy the most expensive gifts, then why bother? No one I talk to seems happy, and are they going to be happy on Christmas? Are they going to be happy after Christmas, when they have to pay their credit card bills? Because trust me, I'm going to be taking phone calls about those too.

Examples of how I'm losing faith in Christmas and humanity (in chronological order):

Wearing nothing but flip-flop girls: First snow of the year, we had about 6 or 8 inches of snow, and a cart of 3 girls comes rolling into the fitting room looking completely frozen. They are trying on some clothes, and the reason they are frozen? They're not wearing shoes. Just flip-flops. In 6 inches of snow. The excuse? "We didn't have any other shoes" They had tucked socks into the sandals, somehow, but no, just flipflops. So sure enough, they try on a bunch of sweatshirts and stuff, and decide that "nothing fits", but after they leave, I find wet socks stashed in the fitting room and tags for the ones they stole shoved into corners. If they're going to steal socks, maybe they should steal shoes too, at least then the socks wouldn't go to waste in the snow. Or better yet, if you're going to live in a state that gets snow every year, maybe you should be prepared and get some boots, even if they're cheap or used or hand-me-downs.

Falling on the Ice Guy: Three weeks ago we had an ice storm. Ice coated everything, made it so slippery that it was hazardous to go anywhere, there were car accidents everywhere, it was majorly dangerous. The store was super slow because no one would leave their houses to come shopping. We salted in front of the doors, the city salted the major roads, we did the best we could. Nonetheless, a guy fell out in the parking lot because there was a SOLID SHEET OF ICE COATING THE ENTIRE PARKING LOT. Management rushed out there, helped him, made sure he wasn't hurt, etc etc etc. Sure enough, 10 minutes later, he calls. "I just fell in your parking lot. It's really icy out here and I think you should do something about it. I hurt my knee, it's throbbbing and painful and you guys really need to salt the parking lot..." and he continues to yell at me about how it's necessary that we salt the entire parking lot for the safety of our customers. Buddy, we just had an ice storm. The entire city is covered in ice. We salted the side walks. If you didn't want to fall, maybe you shouldn't have left your house. Faith in humanity lost another point.

Snowbank lady: I took a phone call from a lady the other day, the saturday before christmas, when the parking lot was absolutely full to the brink with cars, and she was wondering if our snowbanks are permanent. "Well, the major snowbanks, the really tall ones, are not going anywhere until spring. Why do you ask?" I replied. "Well there's a small snowbank that is blocking one of the rear exits/driveways to the store, and if you were to clear this snowbank, I believe it would significantly clear up traffic congestion." she said, with a completely serious tone. She continued to emphasize the importance of clearing this one particular snowbank for a good 3 or 4 minutes, describing in seriousness the location of the snowbank, it's height, etc, and wanted to make sure that I would pass the message on to a manager, because "the traffic out here is just so busy and congested". Yah lady, the traffic is busy. It's the week before frickin' Christmas and you're at a Target store in one of the busiest suburbs in the metro area, and you think that clearing one minor snowbank is going to make all the traffic go away? Needless to say, that was not a message I passed on. Faith in humanity just lost a point.

The people who insist on telling me their whole life story before I can get a word in edgewise: Ok, these people annoy me all year round, but they are especially annoying this time of year because my phone is ringing constantly, and they just waste my time all the more. They insist on telling me everything they need, before letting me tell them that I'm just the operator and not the person they really need to talk to. Sorry, but let me transfer you to someone who cares.

People who must have a particularly hot item: It's december 20th. If you wanted a Play Station 3, you should have gotten it in october. We don't have any left. We don't have any tickle-me-elmos, Barbie's Dream Town House, Harry Potter Legos, Uno Attack, or whatever else is popular this year. Also, two weeks ago we had a blizzard that dumped two feet of snow on the ground, so we are sold out of shovels, ice melt, and ice scrapers. Target is not a magic supply of endless stuff, and we don't get in stuff constantly. WE ARE OUT. Also, if you call with the item numbers, I know you've called every other store in the area, plus the fact that you have that desperate tone in your voice gives you away. Even more so, if you call more than once and pretend that you didnt call before, gives it away because you've forgotten which stores you've already called. We don't have whatever it is you're looking for. Give it up. Your kid doesn't need it. Get them sleds and tell them to get off the couch and go outside. Seriously.

People who hang up after being on hold, call back, and bitch about being on hold for too long: It's december 20th. Chances are, you were holding for one of two areas, electronics or toys. See the above post. As for hanging up and calling back, that just means that other people have called in the meantime, and you've made your waiting time longer. Not my fault. We're busy, we're doing the best we can. Sorry. Suck it up. The world does not revolve around you and the fact that your kid must have the latest and greatest whatever, which we probably sold out of two weeks ago anyway.

My point in each of these stories is simple, people are so focused on themselves, on the material things about Christmas or winter or whatever it is that they are focused on that they fail to see the big picture. This is not what Christmas is about. Christmas is about being happy, celebrating with family, and doing whatever traditions you do (religious or whatnot). The holiday season is not about going to every Target in the metro area in search of Barbie's freakin townhouse. It is not about trooping through the blizzard or ice storm in inadequate clothing and falling on your ass, unless you can turn it into a fun story. Christmas is supposed to be happy. Instead of being a grinch, be a who. Otherwise you turn other people (like me) into Grinches. and I don't want to be grinchy, but the longer I spend answering phones and listening to other people bitch and moan, the less and less I'm liking Christmas, and that's just plain sad.